Morning ramblings (AKA “Old Lady Shakes Fist at Sky”)

This started off as a quick Facebook rant but got too long, so I decided to put it here, instead. I should say, it started off as a personal Facebook page rant, in case WordPress cross-posts this to my HaldeCraft page, because for some reason it started doing that even when I’ve edited the Jetpack Social to not post there when it’s a long rambly personal post that I don’t want to potentially bore customers with (or offend them with my frequent splatterings of F-bombs).

ANYWAY. BEGIN RANT:

Why is it that if I log into Verizon on my laptop, it asks me to go to my phone to approve using my account on Verizon on the laptop…. but if I try to use the Verizon app on my phone instead, it asks me for my password? Like I fucking know my password?! That’s why I was logging in on the laptop, so I could use my password autofill extension! Why do you believe I am who I am if I’m using something else?! But not if I’m using the thing you use to agree that I am who I am?!?!!?

And if I’m logging onto my Credit Union site on the laptop, why does it tell me EVERY TIME that I’m on a new device and would I like to register it? I’ve had this laptop over a year! It’s what I always use to log on! It’s NOT NEW!!!!

It’s 11 AM. So far today I’ve had some coffee. I’ve had a nap. Now I’m eating cinnamon toast bagels (such a good butter-to-bread ratio!) and drinking more coffee, and trying to stay awake while watching Quickbooks for People Prone to Panic Attacks When Doing Accounting videos. Why? Because when the doctor at the hospital told me how close I had come to shuffling off this mortal coil with the septicemia, do you know what flashed through my mind as me not having done? My fucking accounting. And filing Advance Directive/Living Will paperwork. And I still haven’t gotten the mortgage put in my name because for some reason driving to Green Cove Springs to file his death certificate is a thing that I keep blocking out of my mind, in spite of the big note on my desk in my office that says FILE TIM’S DEATH CERTIFICATE. Jesus.

But actually, that’s kind of cool. I know so many people who have died in the last few years, and every one of them had regrets about things they wanted to do in their lives. People they didn’t say “I love you” to enough. Places they’d never gone. Books they hadn’t had time to read. What did I regret? That someone was going to be stuck with filing my taxes because I filed for an extension this year and Quickbooks is kicking my ass (I have a scheduled phone call with my accountant this weekend so she can walk me through some things), and between that and some things still up in the air with Tim’s name on things and Barbara’s estate, I’d be leaving someone, probably my aunt, a huge financial/legal mess.

I didn’t regret not saying “I love you” to enough people, or to people enough, because I say it all the time, and show it all the time. I make time for the people I love. I listen to the people I love – not just to what they’re saying, but what’s behind it, what their fears are, what hurts them… and I try to protect them and foster a place of safety for them in my life.

I didn’t regret not going places, mostly because of the traveling I’ve been planning this year. I just spent three weeks in Ireland, a life goal of places to go! And Scotland and England are later this year! And I’m thinking about next year, and wondering if I can do a US travel thing… go see my friends in DC/Baltimore for a week. Go to South Bend for a week and see Tim’s family. I’m going or making plans to go, and I love that for me.

No, my regrets for things not done were things like… homework. Accounting. Legal paperwork. The boring stuff. And if that’s what I regret not doing? Because I’m so busy doing all the things I WANT to be doing? I’m kind of OK with that.

I’m also working in June to get all of that unfinished paperwork shit done, so… don’t come at me. I’m working on it even if I’m not talking about it, so no lectures needed, please and thank you.

OK, this is getting ridiculous, I really need to start my day. I think I’ve had too much fun this week and might have overdone it the last couple of days, because while my mind is going a billion miles an hour, my body is just like… nope. Not doin’ a thing. Sittin’ right here. I still need to take a shower, and feed the studio animals. …. and finish watching this one Quickbooks video. Wish me luck. Especially because THIS is what’s next to me….

…. and how can I refuse the power of that!? It’s a three animal nap! The gravitational pull is TOO STRONG!!!!!