February 10, 2022

This was a good day. I took another basket of goodies to the staff on our floor, and PT/OT got Tim up and walking! I wish all the days after had been this good, and better.

Words are flowing out like endless rain into a paper cup
They slither wildly as they slip away across the universe
Pools of sorrow, waves of joy are drifting through my opened mind
Possessing and caressing me
Jai guru deva, om
Nothing’s gonna change my world
Nothing’s gonna change my world

Well, the big news is that some time after I left yesterday, PT/OT took Tim for a whole walk! 25 feet! The nurses says he slept the whole night through, I think that must have tired him out. Good for him! I do wish I’d been here for it, but I’m also not going to make myself feel like I have to choose between staying just in case something happens, and going home to take care of myself and do things around the house.

Here’s a gallery from me being there on the 9th for walking…

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He was already off the vent when I came in this morning, it looks like they’re going to try for a longer time today than yesterday. As long his numbers look good, this is great — and his numbers are continuing to look good. If they can get him completely off the trach before he leaves here for a rehab facility, if I understand correctly, we might not have to go to Select first, and then possibly UF Health Rehab… we can go directly to UF Health Rehab. They don’t take people on vents, so if he was still on the vent when actually cleared to go to rehab (no matter when Seagull Case Worker says we can go) we’d have to go to someplace like Select first. And I wouldn’t mind him having to go to two places, if that’s what we need to do… but if he can just go to one place?

Sigh. I wish. I wish he’d been well enough to just go to UF Health Rehab, like we thought at first, right after his heart surgery. I wish he’d only gone to one place. Well, one place that … wasn’t the place he wound up going. I wouldn’t wish Select Health on anyone. More on that when we get there, though. Today, let’s just relish him walking.

Images of broken light which dance before me like a million eyes
They call me on and on across the universe
Thoughts meander like a restless wind inside a letterbox they
They tumble blindly as they make their way across the universe
Jai guru deva, om
Nothing’s gonna change my world
Nothing’s gonna change my world

Let’s see… in other news? The cats are adjusting to the new Catio location. Tulip has come inside a couple of times, either to access my lap since I was sitting in Tim’s favorite recliner just near where the cat door is, or to get away from Newt, who loves Tulip with the fire of a thousand suns… but then Tulip kind of forgets where she just was, and runs all the way back to the bedroom where the Catio used to be, and sits at the closed window and gives me stink-eye. LOL. It’s a good thing all of our cats have unique personalities because none of them are rocket scientists. … what else …..? I’ve been watching Reacher, which I’d heard mixed reviews on, people seem to either love it or hate it. I’m in the “love it” camp but I’ve never read the books, I’m not a Tom Cruise fan, and the blues soundtrack hits me in my happy little heart. I was kind of on the fence about watching it until I saw Harvey Guillén is in it (What We Do in the Shadows) and that sold it, I’d watch him in anything, including that stupid Geico commercial. I’m also down for anything with Malcolm Goodwin (loved him in iZombie). I mean, the show isn’t Shakespeare or anything, but it seems like every single actor in it graduating at the top of their class at Scene Chewing School, so it’s amusing me to no end. …. I think that’s about it? I didn’t sleep as well as I wanted to last night; I’m trying this new non-habit-forming sleep stuff (personally I’d love a habit of sleeping well but whatever, I guess they have to put that on the box) and it’s making me fall asleep quickly and sleep really well until about 2 AM, when I wake up and can’t get back to sleep for two hours. Hrm.

Anyway, I think that’s about it. Tim has been sleeping the whole time I’ve been writing this, other than a brief wake-up for a nurse we’ve had before sticking her head in to tell me how amazed she was to see Tim walking down the hall yesterday. She said that we were going to have to put a leash on him, keep him in check, and Tim gave us a big grin for that (and then fell right back to sleep). Are good days ahead? I’m still afraid to unclench my jaw again, but I hope so. I’m so tired of chaos.

Sigh. Now, here we are, what, eight months later…? And I’ve barely unclenched my jaw since then. I mean, yeah, I’ve had a few minutes or half a day, here and there, that have been good, but… relax? Trust that everything will be OK? Still not there. But! I have started going to the chiropractor. And therapy. And have been getting massages since April or so. So even if I can’t unclench, I’m trying to take care of myself and treat myself gently.

Sounds of laughter shades of life are ringing
Through my open ears inciting and inviting me
Limitless undying love which shines around me like a million suns
It calls me on and on across the universe
Jai guru deva, om
Nothing’s gonna change my world

Lyrics by Lennon/McCartney
Across the Universe