January 20, 2022

Let’s see… what happened this day? Sharon got here, in the evening, so I went over to Denise and Tarrant’s to hang out with everyone. Because unlike whatever I had been thinking, Sharon really was coming down to help take care of me! And take care of me they did. I swear, if you ever just can’t make one single more decision in a day, even if it would benefit you, get yourself a Denise/Tarrant/Sharon combo. They will take care of you! And that let me take care of Tim.

… I woke up and wished that I was dead
With an aching in my head
I lay motionless in bed
I thought of you and where you’d gone
And let the world spin madly on

Good morning! Not much to report this morning – I came in just as they were getting ready to do his rounds, and they let me stand out there with them, so I got to hear everything first hand. Lots of talk about how the percentages/numbers of things his body is doing on his own are up, and the percentages/numbers of what they’re supporting him with are down — that was the general gist of what they were saying. It was a little heard to hear specifics because there was also a nurse in the room next to us talking very loudly to the patient she was helping, and another floor nurse kept tryign to gossip with one of the students who was standing next to me. But pretty much what it boils down to is that he seems to be getting off one thing every day, and everything else support-wise (drips and flows and stuff) is lowered. Except for the nutrition they started yesterday; that’s new, but also good.

It’s hard to tell, I know, but this is after they took him off a couple of things. Ooof.

… And everything that I said I’d do
Like make the world brand new
And take the time for you
… I just got lost and slept
Right through the dawn
And the world spins madly on

Side note, my soul ’bout flew outta my body this morning when the elevator doors were closing and a voice came over the loudspeaker, “THIS IS A DRILL. THIS IS A DRILL. A FIRE PRECAUTION IS BEING TAKEN. PLEASE FOLLOW ALL FIRE PROCEDURES” and I had a moment of “if one of those procedures is that the elevator stops working and the lights go off, I will 100% ABSOLUTELY LOSE MY GOTDAMNED MIND. Fortunately that didn’t happen, but then they couldn’t open the ward doors for me until the drill was over, so that gave me time to reflect on how the voice talking about the drill sounds like Alexa, and also to lure my soul back into my body (I had to promise it donuts later).

Now I can’t remember why I had to go sit out in the waiting room, and I can’t find anything in my notes that tell me. I don’t think it was the trach, I think they did that later. Maybe it was another bronch? They didn’t always let me stay in the room for those, it sort of depended on who was doing it. Anyway, apparently I had to sit out in the waiting room for a little while that day.

ANYHOW back to Tim.

They still want to get that CT scan of the belly, though, and while he can lay flat longer and longer, it’s not long enough to get both the CT and the trach — so they’re talking about doing a push paralytic (not at all like the IV paralytic he was on earlier). This one lasts about an hour, and wears off. So they’d like to test him on that this morning, and if he does well (IE can lay back for a full hour without coughing), they’d really, really like to get him both the CT and the trach today. At the very least they’d like to do one of those, and they’re not picky about which – they don’t have to be done in a particular order, they just both need to be done, whenever he can tolerate it. And he’s still hooked up to what looks like a lot of things, but some of them they’re talking about phasing out over the next couple of days, and some of them he’s just hooked up to “just in case” (it’s easier to, like, leave the IV stuck in there and cap it off, if they have to do anything or draw blood, than to stick him every time) (and they have to draw blood about every two hours to check gasses, so…).

They did wind up taking him down for another CT, and as always, the room looked … so empty, when he was gone. It’s weird, but even with him under so much sedation, I still felt like he was there. He was in the room. I didn’t really notice it at the time, though. Later, in March, when it was ending, there came a point where I suddenly didn’t feel him in there any more, even though I was looking right at him. When he wasn’t there any more was when I realized when I could still feel him there. Boy howdy, if that doesn’t sound all woo-woo, I don’t know what does! ANYWAY.

… I let the day go by
I always say goodbye
I watch the stars from my window sill
The whole world is moving
And I’m standing still

It feels weird to not have Linda here, I kept thinking I was forgetting something this morning as I was leaving the house! Do I have my phone? Wallet? Keys? Mask? WHAT HAVE I DONE WITH THE MOTHER-IN-LAW???

Lastly, there were some deer playing in the future garden area this morning, I tried to get some pictures. The two youngest ones were legit playing tag, running back and forth, chasing each other.

Every day is a gift.

Speaking of gifts, Jenny helped me with a couple of gift baskets for the nurses, by putting together a bunch of fun, cute things I could add into a basket. This family is the Royal Family of Puns, I tell you.

THIS CAKE, Y’ALL. Denise and Tarrant made a cake for Sharon. It’s… it’s bologna slices. With cream cheese. And cheese whiz. I CAN NOT, Y’ALL, I CAN NOT. I AM LAUGHING TOO HARD.

One thing that Sharon wanted to know was what I needed done. We’d started talking about it on the phone a couple of days before; she wanted me to think of everything I needed done. No matter how small. No matter how stupid. That I needed things done, people knew it, I wasn’t going to want to trouble anyone by reaching out, and people knew that, too. So tell Sharon, and Sharon will put the right people together with the right things that need to be done.

Y’all.

My friends.

… I woke up and wished that I was dead
With an aching in my head
I lay motionless in bed
The night is here and the day is gone
And the world spins madly on
… I thought of you and where you’d gone
And the world spins madly on
And the world spins madly on
And on
And on

Lyrics by Tannen / Talan
World Spins Madly On