January 31, 2022

Looks like I didn’t write much that day; I can’t find any other notes to family, just what I posted on Caring Bridge. I don’t even remember why I had a picture of being out in the waiting room that day; typically they only scooted me out for procedures and I don’t have a record of one that day. Maybe they bronched him and I just didn’t mention it because it was happening so often? Or maybe that was the day they switched his trach out for a slightly smaller one?

I can go one day without calling
Two days without bawling
Three days without missing
But a lifetime of no kissing you
Is something that I just can’t do
I wish I could be there
To share the moon

First off, a little bit about Caring Bridge. I’m new here so I’m not sure exactly what the site offers; it seems like it offers a lot, and I’m not even using all of it. The journal, here, and I also added some pictures in the gallery. There is a thing for a Meal Train but I don’t want anyone to feel obligated, and certainly not on an every-day basis. If we had kids, piles of food might be more necessary, but I’m only one person, and I have food allergies to boot, so that does complicate matters. Mostly I’m looking forward for the Meal Train scheduling once Tim comes home (although we don’t know when that will be, it’s never too early to start hoping) — I have an idea for locals, if you’ve ever been to our house for one of Tim’s dinners (or if he’s ever brought anything to a party at your house) that maybe, when he’s home, we could do small things twice a week or so where people come out, bring a dish that means something to you because of Tim, and we could all have dinner together. ANYWAY, just a thought. Moving on! There’s a planner, so if I ever need any help with anything I’ll put it up there and see if anyone can help with anything. That might be anything from help with something out on the property that normally Tim would take care of (fallen trees, anyone? Not yet, but you never know) to helping me arrange visits to Tim once he’s in rehab, if I can’t come in one day but he needs some company. There are also things we could use this site for later; fundraising (although knock on wood it won’t get to that), an opportunity to use Shipt if I needed just random things delivered to the house (however, Shipt doesn’t deliver to Keystone Heights, so, boooo, so much for same-day booze delivery). Stuff like that.

This. “Mostly I’m looking forward for the Meal Train scheduling once Tim comes home (although we don’t know when that will be, it’s never too early to start hoping) — I have an idea for locals, if you’ve ever been to our house for one of Tim’s dinners (or if he’s ever brought anything to a party at your house) that maybe, when he’s home, we could do small things twice a week or so where people come out, bring a dish that means something to you because of Tim, and we could all have dinner together.” This part makes me so sad, now. Sad that I was hopeful. Sad that Tim never got to be brought food. Sad that Tim wasn’t able to hear stories about why that food meant so much to people. Sad that he won’t be making more of it. I know that I’ve said we were having problems, but I would have swallowed those problems, carried them a thousand times before I would have wanted things to turn out the way they did.

I got more back for the breaking
More callous for making
A lifetime for the aching
I got no need to run this battery down
I’m just trying to get the stains out
I wish I could be there
To share the moon

Anyway, enough about the site, you’re here for Tim!

However, there’s nothing really to report today; Tim was wiped out when I got here, from an early morning PT workout. They didn’t get him standing but he did do some leg lifts, arm rotations, and sat on the edge of the bed.

He does still have a fever so they’re putting him under a cooling blanket and just gave him some Tylenol — the fever is already starting to come down. I’m starting to wonder, like, maybe he just runs hot? He’s always saying it’s so hot in the house when I’m wearing a pair of socks and snuggling under a thick blanket….!

The only thing on the table today is his weekly CT, to make sure that the good things look better and that nothing new is coming up. That should happen some time in the next couple of hours. Meanwhile, I guess I’ll just sit here and stare at him, since he’s so tired after PT!

When I got home that night there was a package from Cathy – she sent me a huuuuuuuge container of my very most favorite tea, and she sent Moya a box that smells like the tea! This cat is notorious for hanging out near me when I make a mug of this tea… she loves to stick her head in there and drink it when it cools off. The little brat. That’s my tea!

Hey la la
I’m gonna love to you till it hurts
I don’t mind if I do
Hey la la
I’m gonna love you till it works
I’ve got no mind to lose

There’s one trash heap burning
Fireflies are returning
Nightfall is softly chirping
One trailer light is staying on till dawn
I wonder who it’s waiting on
I wish I could be there
To share the moon

In other news… I’m trying to add some photos to this post but the site is fighting me on it. I’m not sure if it’s the quality of the Internet connection I have right now, or what… OK, maybe this worked? Hopefully. If there are five photos, it means that … I caught a little somebody at the new feeder … I discovered that those Burt’s Bees hand lotions can be ordered on a subscription basis … I broke out my spinning wheel yesterday for the first time in literally years … new shirt, who dis? … and Here Comes the Sun.

Again, as I was writing this originally, I would post photos from the day before. But as I’m putting everything up here, the photos are going on the right days.

xoxo, y’all

This tree flowers when everything else is hiding from the cold, and a couple of months later bears some fruit – it’s some kind of wild plum. The fruits would age, ferment, and drop, and Lindy would love to eat them off the ground and get a little tipsy. It amused Tim to no end to walk that dog in the evening and get her a little drunk.

Hey la la
I’m gonna love to you till it hurts
So don’t mind if I do
Hey la la
I’m gonna love you till it works
I’ve got no mind to lose

Lyrics by Amy Ray
Share the Moon