January 12 & 13, 2022

I’m putting these days in together, because they were pretty interchangeable, and the next day, the 14th, was one of the worst days. And I want to get through thinking about and writing about it again. Because I’m combining two days, and because I want to put up a picture that some people may not want to see, I’m doing the pictures a little differently today, as a slideshow. If you don’t want to see a picture of Tim’s most excellently done surgical scar (they call it “the zipper”), it should be the fourth or fifth picture in the slideshow. If you don’t want to see that, you should have time to hit the pause button on the slideshow so it doesn’t automagically slide past and flash you. I say this because while most of my friends are like “a scar? ooo! Can I see it???” I know it’s not everyone’s cup of tea. But I felt it was important to be honest about what he’d been through.

We get to be, a ripple in the water
We get to be a rock that’s thrown
We get to be a boy on the bridge
Standing over the reservoir

See the water lap along the shore line
The buried forest of a man made lake
Cemeteries are laying underneath it
Your heart like a dam when it breaks

January 12th

Who wants a nice, slow day? Filled with “thumbs ups” and “finger waves” and getting tubes out and standing up and shuffling around and sitting in chairs? BECAUSE THAT’S WHAT WE’RE GETTING, YO!

The big news, of course, is Tim standing up, shuffling about a foot or so over, and sitting down in a chair, and sitting there for a couple of hours! He also got more blood drawn for cultures; it sounds like they’re really happy with how he’s responding to the Vancomycin, but his blood still doesn’t have the ALL CLEAR yet. As soon as none of his blood grows any cultures, he’ll then be on the Vanco for six weeks. It’s sort of like “waiting to make sure we’ve killed it, ok, it’s not showing up any more, now, just keep taking this for six weeks to really make sure that shit is done like dinner.”

SPEAKING OF DINNER. My god. All y’all need to get down to Chopstix Cafe if you’re local, because Titi Le is just the absolute sweetest, and I’m about to have a beef-and-mushroom baby over here. So much food (thank you, Jennifer, for bringing it and hanging out for a while) and Linda and I definitely have enough for dinner tonight, and probably even lunch tomorrow. Titi, you are too generous, and I can never thank you enough for the love you sent our way disguised as food. ❤

In other news… nothing much, and we like it that way. Tulip bunched up the towel I’d laid flat in the box yesterday, so I think that means she slept burrowed up in it last night – so that makes me happy. Yesterday, in addition to everything that happened around here, I scheduled my yearly mammogram, I paid four bills with actual checks I had to remember how to write out, I paid two more bills online, and when we stopped by CVS after work, Linda got me some envelopes so I could pay two more bills from cheapskates who don’t send envelopes any more because they want you to pay via the app (which I can’t log into because I don’t have Tim’s password, so instead I hand addressed that shit with pen like a twelfth century monk, and dug out a bunch of old 37 and 41 cent stamps I have. I don’t know how much stamps cost any more so I put one of each on each envelope thinking 70-something cents might get everything there.) Anyway, my point is, yesterday by the end of the day I was bone tired, and I don’t even remember if I ate dinner. I was asleep by like 8:30.

Today, though? Today has been a Good Day. x o x o

We are floating, we are swimming
And in this moment we are forgetting
What it costs, what it takes
For one perfect world
When we look the other way

I’m okay, if I don’t look a little closer
I’m OK if I don’t see beyond the shore
I’m OK if I don’t have to do the killing
Or know what the killing is for

As I mentioned above, I wanted to put a picture of Tim’s surgical scar up here. I have not posted that on Facebook, although all the other pictures I’ve posted so far have been (I think?) (I’m pretty sure…!). His face is not in it, but it is a close-up of the zipper scar he had from the open heart surgery. If you don’t want to see that, it should be the fourth or fifth picture and you should have time to hit the pause button on the slideshow so it doesn’t automagically slide past and flash you.

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We are talking, we are driving
And in this moment we are denying
What it costs, what it takes
For one perfect world
When we look the other way
It’s one perfect world
When we look the other way
It’s one perfect world
When we look the other way
It’s one perfect world

If you can’t see beyond the myth of isolation
And the miracle of daybreak doesn’t move you anymore
Connect the points and see the constellations
As the night comes down on the reservoir

January 13th

All the fluid they’ve been pumping into Our Boy is trying to come out today — I’m super glad Linda is still here because I can handle wound care, I can handle bathroom accidents, I can handle showering… I can’t handle coughing that sounds like it’s going to turn into barfing. I have a RIDICULOUSLY SYMPATHETIC gag reflex; like, I would have to leave the room if one of the dogs was barfing, or it would turn into that pie-eating contest scene from Stand By Me. But we have a lovely, caring nurse who’s on top of things (unlike yesterday… I don’t want to complain [too much] but yesterday’s nurse was the first one I have genuinely not cared for, and y’all know I love my nurses). So Tim’s getting suctioned out (even if I have to go stand in the hallway or hide in the bathroom so the nurse doesn’t also have to suction me, haha). Who knew that would be the line in the sand??? Besides everyone who’s ever seen me running for cover at the cat hurking.

ANYWAY.

In other news? The kitties have a pair of Fairy Godmothers who brought over some fancy, quality flea collars (we’ve been having a veritable flea explosion since the dogs died, spraying multiple times a day, different kinds of flea stuff) and y’all, flea collars have improved a lot since I last used them! I think these might be better than the drops I’ve been putting on the cat’s necks. Speaking of cats, Socks let me know when I was cleaning out the studio cat boxes that he hasn’t been getting enough snuggles. And Newt was fascinated by the PBS special on an octopus that Linda and I watched last night. Oh, and, we are loved. ❤

Thank you all. x o x oh shit, I gotta run, he’s coughing again, ahhhhhhh, I’m such a giant baby!!!!! lol

In less than 24 hours, that coughing was going to come back to haunt us.

We are swimming, we are floating
And in this moment we are beholden to
What it costs, to what it takes
For one perfect world
Can we learn to live another way?
It’s one perfect world

Lyrics by Amy Ray
Perfect World