Six Weeks on New Brain Meds (continued)

Six Weeks on New Brain Meds (continued)

Week #3 (08/22-08/28)

This week I helped June with her computer. It was a little complicated because David was buying the computer out in the PNW where he lives, and shipping it to me, but then we turned out to also need a new printer, which he also bought a couple of days later and had shipped to Doris to take to June’s, and since she hasn’t had a computer in a couple of years (Barbara was working on one for her but then Barbara died before she could tell us if she finished and what any of the passwords were, and we would have needed Barb’s phone to access any of that and her phone had already been turned off and the story is actually a lot longer than that but who is even still reading this incredibly runon sentence?!)… anyway, since June hadn’t had a computer in a couple of years, she didn’t know any of her former passwords, which meant setting her up with new things, and … anyway. It took a couple of days and I felt really bad for June that I couldn’t just waltz in and solve everything quickly. At one point we got locked out of Google trying to figure out her old password and I just had to come home and have lunch and work for a couple of hours, because we were locked out for at least three hours (then we promptly got locked out again, GOOD TIMES).

Then, Dacia and Dov came up for a few days, which is always wonderful! They helped take the brown couches apart, put the best working recliners on the one that was staying in the house, and the worse working recliners on the one that was going to the studio, and then moved it to the studio. THE DOGS WERE THRILLED.

Also, I started selling some of Uncle Joe’s books in my shop. It’s something I mentioned to Aunt Gay a couple of years ago, but it got put on the back burner, and I brought it up again a few weeks ago to see if she was into the idea. She was, so we talked about logistics, worked out how it would look and read, and BAM! There we go. I have an autographed Joe Haldeman book section at HaldeCraft.

Oh! And Peppa had a vet appointment, and everything was great up until the point I thought they were going to tell me I was good to go but wound up telling me that she has heartworms. It’s not great, but she’s a candidate for the best treatment, and as I’m writing this, hopefully I will have already written a separate blog post about this and y’all will already know – if not, I’ll write one soon.

How am I this week? I don’t know. I’m too busy to think about it, really. I did have my first telehealth meeting with my new therapist, and it was a great meeting. It was pretty much just setting the stage, talking about where I am, what I want out of therapy, some of the big traumas in my life, a bit about her and what she has to offer, and the initial path she sees us walking.

Week #4 (08/29-09/04)

This week was kind of busy (it’s the end of the week as I’m writing this, although I wanted to write a little bit about each day, at the end of every day). Monday was a chiropractic appointment and prepping for the hurricane (okay technically according to my own rules, the week starts on Tuesday, BUT WHATEVER). Tuesday was a therapy appointment and group dinner getting canceled in advance of the hurricane (and more prepping for a hurricane). Wednesday was sitting around in the house watching whatever weather-type news I could get (I have an antenna but it’s so crappy I only get about three channels and none of them are reliable) and waiting for the hurricane to hit us and then watching it hit people to the west of us. Oh, and also canceling that night’s dinner with friends because of the hurricane. Dammit. Thursday was lunch with Aunt Gay and Uncle Joe and a massage appointment. Friday was my monthly online Patreon hangout. I’m tired again just reading over that.

But I kept it together… I mean, was damn tired at the end of every day, but I didn’t have too many moments of ;aldkjfa;dkjf;asdkfj. Caught up on a lot of custom orders. Caught up on my Patreon things. Remembered to water the plants and clean the cat boxes. Got all HaldeCraft orders out. Caught up on last year’s taxes (uh… or was that the week before? Or was it over both weeks?). Had a bunch of shit around the house I wanted to get done (cleaning off random piles of stuff that’s collected everywhere) but it got put off because it was one of those… I only have so much energy by the end of the day, and if I’m tired by 7 PM and only have energy to sit on the couch and play my stupid farming game on my phone while I snuggle with the dogs…? Then that’s what I have.

Week #5 (09/05-09/11)

OK, so this is interesting. I met with my doctor this week as a five-week check-in for how I’m doing on the Zoloft (great!), and how do I like my new therapist (love her!), and also how’s that Plantar Fasciitis recovery going (terribly! My foot hurts like a motherfucker!)… and she wants me to take the Creyos test again. Not because I, like, failed it or anything, but because there’s two different ways to take the test. One way, the way I took it, consists of four visual sections and … three? Four? Question and answer sections, and then “grades” you on level of ADHD. I scored much higher on the question and answer section than I did on the visual section; meaning, I feel that have more ADHD symptoms than I show when I am visually tested on those symptoms. In other words, I grade myself harder than the test does.

So the other way, the way she wants me to come back and take it again on Monday, consists of nine visual sections and eight or nine q&a sections, and then a computer looks at all the varying ways it judges your answers to the test (time, number correct, number incorrect, which parts you hesitated most on, and a few other things) and then spits out the likelihood of your results being because of one of about twenty things, from ADHD to Concussion to PTSD to Alzheimer’s to Parkinson’s to Depression to … well, a whole bunch of things. Remember the post I did with the chart, comparing symptoms to name of thing you might be suffering from? It’s kind of like that, but computerized, and including the symptoms I didn’t bother writing down, and with a lot more answers.

So I’m going to go do that Monday, and then go back and talk to her about the results on Wednesday.

Meanwhile, how am I feeling this week? Pretty good, actually. Not all puppies and rainbows and rose-tinted glasses – more like “oh… I can feel that I’m going to have the mental bandwidth soon to think about some things”, and I’m only about 70% exhausted by the end of the day and not 104% exhausted, and I’m starting to feel as if there’s going to be enough of me to go around soon. Less like, as Tolkien wrote, “thin, sort of stretched, like butter scraped over too much bread.”

I’m starting to remember things. Not remember things I’ve forgotten, not some sort of bizarre recovered memory thing. It’s things like… I walk by a box in the garage, and I think to myself “after you put your computer down come back and get this box and take it over to the house to replace the box you took out with recycling last night.” And then, get this…. After I put my computer down? I REMEMBER TO GO AND MOVE THE BOX TO THE HOUSE. Even though it was out of my sight for thirty seconds, I remembered the box was there.
It’s amazing.

Ooof. It’s now Monday, the 11th, I took the Creyos test again today, and IT WAS EXHAUSTING. I took all nine visual modules, plus some question and answer ones, and it was… at one point, in a really stressful timed module, a couple of people went in the room next door and had lunch and they were laughing and carrying on and just generally… like, if it wasn’t a timed section, I would have gotten up and banged on the wall, or gone in their room and been like “OI!” . I did wonder if it was on purpose, though. Like, is this part of the test? Being distracted? The friend I’ve been talking to about all this while it’s been going on said pretty much the same thing. “I bet you that was part of the test.” I think she was right, and I’ve got half a mind to ask the doctor when I meet with her to talk about the results on Wednesday.

Fartblossom; this post is already over 1800 words, and I still have at least one week to go. I might have to string this out another couple of days, depending on how much I write next week (my plan is to publish this series every other day, so there’s a break but not a huge break).

Week #6 (09/12-09/18)

Oh, FFS. My doctor texted me first thing in the morning – I was supposed to have an appointment with her at 10 AM – she’s sick, can we reschedule for next week.

Guess these posts are getting dragged out a little more, sorry/not sorry!

Meanwhile, how am I feeling this week….? Kind of tired. I haven’t been sleeping well. My therapist and I dug into some tough stuff earlier this week, and I don’t know if it’s my usual not sleeping well or that she told me that I might not sleep well and the power of suggestion and all, but… I’ve been having weird dreams all week, stress dreams, and I’m waking up almost more tired than I was when I went to bed. I’m a little grumpy, a little squirrelly, but at the same time I feel like I have the bandwidth to not just carry it but also examine it. I’m tired and I kind of wish people would leave me alone this week, but I’m not biting anyone’s head off and I’m also trying to put myself first. OK, the dogs first, but they’ll pee on the floor if I DON’T put them first. So, dogs first, me second, everything else third.

OK, more in a couple of days.

Part 6 of ….? Stay tuned for Part 7.

5 thoughts on “0

  1. ” i grade myself harder than the test does ” ; gurrrll… same. I even know why i do that ; because i know what i am capable of on any good day so i know when i fall off the chart.

  2. Thanks for sharing this journey. It’s really interesting, but I feel sorry that you’re living with and through the crap. I hope all of this has worked for the better for you.

  3. I just realized I could access this, and thank you for sharing. I admire not only your work but also your words and way of being.

  4. Love you Lorena XOXO

    And thank you for putting “Fartblossom” back in my vocabulary, it’s now tied with “Butt Blossom,” a visual tip from a yoga instructor for a particular pose 😉

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