January 29, 2022

This was a really sweet day. I put together a wonderful, very much appreciated gift basket for the staff on our floor, thanks to Tim’s sister Jenny. And I got a great picture of the Zamboni! It’s not really a Zamboni, but I liked to call it that. But the best thing….? A group of people had been planning this for a couple of weeks…. they hand made signs and they met out in the cold and they waved and held signs and y’all, I felt the love all the way up in the room. I still have those two signs that Susan painted and send up with Jenn, above my fireplace.

What would you think if I sang out of tune?
Would you stand up and walk out on me?
Lend me your ears and I’ll sing you a song
And I’ll try not to sing out of key

Oh, I get by with a little help from my friends
Mm, I get high with a little help from my friends
Mm, gonna try with a little help from my friends

Good morning!

Nothing too much to report today, we’re probably looking at a slow, rest day. He is working on a bit of a fever, nothing alerting but just higher than they’d like.

They’re going to bronch him later today, probably this afternoon, to help clear out his lungs a bit, and they’re going to add a strong antibiotic to his breathing treatments, see if that helps (he’s still on the Vancomyacin for the Endo and the Zosyn for the pneumonia). Oh, and they’re also giving him extra strength Robotussin, again, to thin that mucus and clear him out. He’s got hella gross lung boogers.

They wanted to get him up in the chair today but also don’t want to overwork him if he’s a little under the weather, so we will play that by ear.

They’re taking him off the Heparin (drip) and putting him on Eliquis (pill, which they crush right now and liquify, to put in through his feeding tube), a different blood thinner that doesn’t call for multiple checks a week like the Heparin does. It’s supposed to be easier, long-term, for the patient.

I think that’s about it….? They did say they’re going to see if he’ll tolerate sitting up in the chair, so the nurse is off to find one. Hopefully it’ll go well and the rest of the day will be easy!

What do I do when my love is away?
Does it worry you to be alone?
How do I feel by the end of the day?
Are you sad because you’re on your own?

No, I get by with a little help from my friends
Mm, get high with a little help from my friends
Mm, gonna try with a little help from my friends

Do you need anybody?
I need somebody to love
Could it be anybody?
I want somebody to love

In other news? I have Durable Power of Attorney now, and have gone to the bank to transfer monies. While in my head the entire thing, from finding out how to do it and finding paperwork and finding a notary and finding the right things I needed and then going down there and not looking like three stacked toddlers in an overcoat trying to sneak into a movie was just an absolute nightmare… actually getting it done was easy. A dear, wonderful friend who it turns out IS a notary, brought me the paperwork and another lovely friend to witness (our nurse yesterday was the second witness, which totally endeared me to her, for some reason) so I got paperwork AND hugs AND got to see beautiful caring faces. Then I went to the bank and the woman was absolutely the nicest and talked me through the entire thing, what I can do and what I can’t do, handled everything, and it was super easy. It felt… unreal. I don’t know. I don’t want Tim to be mad that I went into his bank account and moved money around without asking him (not that he can really answer right now) but I also know he wouldn’t want me to not get bills paid. But it still felt a little like “wow, if I was a shit person, I could fuck off to Mexico right now.” Like, it should have been harder? But in my head, it was already hard enough. It also felt… very privileged. Even though we don’t have the same last name, she didn’t ask for proof that we were married. That we had a joint account at the same bank, that I had his driver’s license and the POA paperwork was enough. I couldn’t help but wonder, how much harder is it for other people? I have friends who have been in committed relationships longer than Tim and I have, and people are trying to take away their ability to have this safety net. This safety net that I thought I would have to jump through hoops for, but was pretty much just handed, and yet other people – even people I love – might be forced to find out that for them, it’s even harder than my worst fears. That’s… “unfair” doesn’t even begin to cover it. It was hard but easy but felt a little slimy but also a relief and … very privileged. Honestly I don’t know if I can even explain it, so I hope this all makes just the tiniest bit of sense.

And y’all, that Seagull Case Worker flew in yesterday and shit all over the room — her thing yesterday was a veiled emergency of “well we’re trying to get Tim into the one place that can take him but your insurance company says he’s too high risk, so you need to call his job and find out if he’s been fired or doesn’t have insurance any more for some weird reason” and after I had a small panic attack in which I said many foul words after she left the room (that caused the nurse to have a choke-laughing fit), I emailed Jones Edmunds and got not one, not two, but THREE emails within the space of an hour saying they don’t know what’s wrong with that woman because yes Tim still works there, yes we’re both insured, no they don’t know what “high risk” means but they’ll find out, and it seems to have been a miscommunication between Seagull Case Worker and Admitting over in the acute care center and has nothing to do with Insurance at all and both the Jones Edmunds people and the Insurance Guy are on it and all three of them love Tim and I and are out for blood with Seagull Case Worker if she messes with my heart one more time. So I started coloring in a page for her in my f-word coloring book, haha.

Only one other thing – if you missed the other post I just made about the friends who stood outside in this freezing weather and jumped up and down and held signs and made me cry and got Tim to wave at them? You should find that and look at those pictures because Y’ALL. MY HEART. I CAN NOT.

I’ll put all of the pictures I took that I mentioned in the above sentence, below in a slideshow.

Would you believe in a love at first sight?
Yes, I’m certain that it happens all the time
What do you see when you turn out the light?
I can’t tell you, but I know it’s mine

Oh, I get by with a little help from my friends
Mm, get high with a little help from my friends
Oh, I’m gonna try with a little help from my friends

This is what love looks like.

This slideshow requires JavaScript.

Do you need anybody?
I just need someone to love
Could it be anybody?
I want somebody to love

Oh, I get by with a little help from my friends
Mm, gonna try with a little help from my friends
Oh, I get high with a little help from my friends
Yes, I get by with a little help from my friends
With a little help from my friends

Lyrics by Lennon/McCartney
With a Little Help From My Friends