Allegedly, we should know tomorrow.

So, we had one last card to play with the lender, and we played it today. He’s going to go over things with the underwriter tomorrow morning. Allegedly we should know tomorrow if it’s yes or no (right now, it still looks like “probably not, but we’ll try one more time anyway”).

BEST CASE SCENARIO

They say, “Oh, we must have been smoking crack! You two look completely trustworthy and not risky at all! Here’s $100,000 you crazy kids, go live in the country!” and then we will put up some fence for the dog and a safer back deck and some shelves in the workshop and then we’ll move in and fix up this house and sell it with hopefully not as much stress as fucking buying. And we will have bonfires and RV visitors and gopher tortoises and wild persimmons.

WORST CASE SCENARIO

They say no, and that’s the only bad part because for the first time since I was about 16 years old I have zero credit card debt (still have that student loan for that degree I’m doing fuck-all with, though), and then we renovate the fuck out of this house including extending and screening in the back porch. And we will gain back a guest room and everyone is welcome to visit even though we only have one shower and the grout is scary.

Either way I’m getting a new bed.

Y’all. Y’all, I’m so tired. It’s been ups and downs since May, thinking I was getting out of this fucking house that I never wanted anyway, but somehow got talked into buying because – believe it or not – at that time it was easier than finding a new place to rent. And then I “won” it in the divorce… which at the time, was easier for me even though I didn’t love the house, but try finding an apartment when you have 15,000 books, a dog, three cats, and a kiln that goes to 2300 degrees.

I’m so tired. I’m so tired of the back and forth, of the “give us all this paperwork right this second NOW” and then waiting, tired of the wanting and not getting. Madeline Kahn could sing a song about how tired I am. It’s a good thing I’m getting a new comfy bed no matter the outcome because y’all, I want to sleep for a week.

And I’ll keep you posted. Thank you all for all of your support through all this — I know if we don’t get it, it’s not because each and every one of you wasn’t pulling for us. xoxo