Still a two-dog family

Still a two-dog family

When it came down to making the decision yesterday, I just couldn’t do it. Yes, she’s in pain. Yes, she sleeps all the time. Yes, her legs sometimes fall out from underneath her. Yes, her coat looks horrible no matter what I do. No, she doesn’t get up to greet people at the door any more. Yes, she’s covered with fatty deposits and tumors. But the last couple of days I’d been giving her two Rimadyl instead of one, and she’s had some alert moments. She was awake and social the whole two hours (!) the vet and the tech were here weighing, getting to know, and giving shots to the other pets. I just… I just couldn’t do it. I felt like too much of a shitheel saying “put this dog to sleep, I know she doesn’t seem like it right now but she’s really in a lot of pain.”

So we’ve added another pain reliever to combine with the Rimadyl (which I might be misspelling, I’m too lazy to get up and go look at the bottle in the other room). And they clipped her toenails. But she didn’t get her yearly shots, so even if we get another month or two, we probably won’t get a year. We’re going to re-evaluate in about ten days, which is when she should run out of Rimadyl, and see how she’s doing then. And until then, she’ll just be as comfortable and pain-free as we can make her (and will have a full belly, because with the pain meds we’ve got to feed her twice a day — good thing being old hasn’t affected her appetite).

And pain is really the issue I have with it — I don’t mind if she’s sleeping all the time, as long as she’s not in pain. I don’t mind if she looks like a homeless bum with the messy fur, as long as she’s not in pain. I don’t mind if she’s gone deaf and barks at nothing for five minutes at a time, as long as she’s not in pain. She’s such a good, noble, goofy good girl; I can’t watch her hurt so.

(Watch — this new pain medication will work fantastically, she’ll live for another two years, and you can all tease me about that time I almost had her put to sleep.)

5 Comments

  1. Lovely picture.

    This is such a hard decision – they can’t tell you what they want. At least not in words. I looked for signs, I asked my boys to let me know when it was time. One stopped eating and I found the other halfway under the bed when I came home from work (rather than running out to greet me). I think she’ll let you know when she’s ready. xo

  2. quinn

    You’ll make the decision when the time is right. Of all people, you are not one to keep her around for selfish reasons, or to keep her around if she is suffering. As you said, she’s doing well for now. Now is good.

  3. Katherine

    You’ll know when it’s time – you just will. You and I have traveled this path before, and it never gets easier. You have loved her with all of your heart, and in return, you’ve been given the gift of unconditional love from another four legged kid. It’s never an easy decision, but what a loving gift to be able to give your beautiful girl – taking her final step with the mama who has been her everything. We’re all out here holding your heart in our hands. Hugs!

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