A brief observation

This under/self-employment feels a bit like summer vacation. I think that’s because I used to go to G-ma’s house every summer, and we would spend a lot of time sitting on the back porch, chatting, working on ceramics, and keeping one eye on the fishing poles. I wanted to put a photo up, but in looking through… I don’t think we ever took any photos of us just… sitting around. Chatting. Working on ceramics. It was just what we did; certainly not photo-worthy, just hanging out. And yet there are hundreds of other photos of us doing just that; hanging out. So here’s a photo of the result of my keeping an eye on my fishing pole, instead! Mmmm. Trout. Dammit, I wish I hadn’t developed an allergy to fish. I do so love me some fish.

Anyway, what I was trying to say is that coupled with the fact that it is actually summer, and I’m doing two things of which I did a lot when I was younger and on summer vacation – making ceramics and reading – my brain is really having a time warp kind of feel to it.

I get up in the mornings when I’m no longer tired. And even on the handful of days where I’ve put on an alarm, I’ve woken up gracefully a few minutes before the alarm was supposed to go off. By “gracefully” I mean not with that impending feeling of doooooom that you wake up with thinking that you have to get up! right now! this instant!! Or horrible things are going to happen like you will be late for work! Instead, I start to wake up and then lazily (I know you all hate me  now) listen to the birds outside the window, listen to Tim snore (not that you snore, honey), listen to the dogs scratch themselves. In my mind I start to think of what I want to get done today, and by the time I finish thinking about what needs to be done, I’m really excited about doing it so I get up out of bed with a smile (and lurch, zombie-like, towards the coffeepot).

I spend the day doing things I want to do, saving all my errands to run once or twice a week, and hanging out with people I like when we want to hang out. If there’s not enough time in the day to get done what I want to get done, I’m only disappointed because I love what I’m doing and wish I could squeeze in a few more hours of fun – there’s no longer the head-desk frustration of not being able to finish my immense list of things to do because I am constantly blindsided with other quasi-important and overwhelming things that all want to be FIRST RIGHT NOW OMGWTFBBQ.

At night I go to bed when I am tired, rather than make myself stay up an hour, or two hours, later than I want to in order to finish doing things that didn’t get done during the day, or in order to try to get ahead for the next day. I’ve even been lying in bed reading for an hour before falling asleep. Maybe even two hours! I’ve gone through so many books in August… it’s wonderful. In looking at the stack by my bedside, I think starting in late July and going through last night I’ve read… eleven books? I’ll have to review some. Anyway; back to sleep. Realistically I’m only getting maybe an hour of sleep more than I was getting this time three months ago; but it’s much better sleep than it was. And I’m no longer waking up half an hour before the alarm worried about things that didn’t get done yesterday and please Flying Spaghetti Monster may I get some of them done today!

Sleep when I’m tired. Wake up when I’m not. Eat when I’m hungry. Hang out with good people. Craft every minute that I can. It’s like summer vacation – all I’m missing is my fishing pole.