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The birds! The birds! The Angry Birds!

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Angry Birds Easter eggs. Get it? Easter? Eggs? Easter eggs? HAH!

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Angry Birds + Banksy = Angry Birdsky

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Edible Angry Birds cake toppers (with bunker). So! CUTE!

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Angry Birds interactive cake! Which apparently is a bigger theme than I thought, because there are dozens.

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Maybe this bothers me so much because my Uncle had an ostomy bag for over a year, but, still. Retired teacher reduced to tears after TSA groping breaks open his ostomy bag and covers him with his own urine.

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Maybe this bothers me so much because I have a friend who is an amputee, and has a son (albeit older than 4), but… still. Amputee forced to remove prosthesis and be separated from four-year-old son.

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Maybe this bothers me so much because … oh, who am I kidding? These are all fucking dehumanizing and marginalizing. I don’t have to defend why I’m livid about it. Hey, TSA – how about a little blood on your hands? TSA Groin Searches Menstruating Woman

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All animals are equal. But some animals are more equal than others. Especially if you’re a politician.

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Here’s an interesting story by a man with Titanium “replacement parts” (as he calls them) and his take on security.

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Here’s a link to an 11 minute video of a mother being held up (for over an hour) over a bottle of breast milk; the same TSA members she’d dealt with the week before hold her for so long that she misses her flight.

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Oh, those wacky TSA agents and their hilarious cocaine pranks.

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Hey, pedos! Rather than go to jail for touching young children, how about getting a job with the TSA? Then it’s OK to tell kids that getting groped is “just a game.”

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Man tries to opt out of both groping and pornoscanner; told he’ll be fined $10,000 unless he chooses one.

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Remember that pilot everyone wants in a crisis? He’s got a few words to say (if you can hear them over the sound of his GIANT BRASS BALLS.) Sully … can land a passenger jet in a river without so much as getting a passenger wet, but he couldn’t stop the TSA from hand searching his own wife during a recent trip.

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God forbid you should try to board with 4 ounces of hand lotion, or maybe a bottle of breast milk for your child; those are a threat. .40 caliber loaded handguns? Didn’t even catch it.

Related: TSA agents check out Adam Savage’s junk, but miss his two 12″ razor blades.

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Immigration officer fired after putting wife on list of terrorists to stop her flying home (so anyone with a personal vendetta can use the War on Terrorism as a personal vendetta! Yay!)

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Two TSA agents arrested at JFK Airport for stealing $39K from passenger’s bag (arguably it was a boneheaded move to stick that much cash in your bag; but still. My luggage is not your five-finger-discount shopping station.)

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Ever care about the screeners point of view? Personally, not really. But here it is anyway.

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But sometimes there is hope: Alaska state rep refuses TSA grope of her mastectomy scars, drives home from Seattle. And Jesse Ventura has filed a lawsuit against the TSA. And Phil Mocek took this video in 2009 and was just recently acquitted after over a year of legal battle.

Somewhat related: Furrygirl’s sexy stripdown protest in Seattle airport mocking TSA security theater (NSFW video)

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PS. Here is a link to a PDF of your TSA Checkpoint Rights. Learn them. Live them. Love them (before they’re taken away like all our other civil liberties OH WAS THAT OUT LOUD?)

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I have to go bang my head into a wall for a while now. Happy Sunday, everyone! Anyone flying soon…?

Some friends and I were just talking about what we think is TMI on some people’s websites, and I allowed as how I would be either furious or mortified (depending on what was written) if I found myself talked about on a website in a disparaging manner. So here I am, about to describe a bunch of people I don’t know! And some day, they’ll be searching for something on the Interwebs and come across this post, and… yeah. Am I too imaginative?

Speaking of people I see, Bill—did I pass you at Publix the other day? I was looking at this positively ancient woman, who had an under-bite of seriously, like, two inches. And I was wondering what (if anything) she finds it difficult to do, or if she doesn’t even notice because it’s a part of her, or did something happen to her health-wise, and how I hoped that there was somebody in the world who loved her fiercely and thought she was the bee’s knees… and then later I thought, “hey, that guy walking behind her looked kind of familiar… I wonder if …”. So; just asking. Didn’t mean to be rude if it was, I was just off in my weird little world of let’s imagine.

Anyway. Moving on.

So there are people that I see in the mornings sometimes as I’m walking the dog.

Some of them are still asleep. Coffee mugs in hand, they shuffle after their dogs like slow-moving Romero zombies. The dog stops, they stop. They stare at nothing, maybe sipping from their mug and maybe not… and when the dog moves on, they move on. They don’t even notice what their dog has done. Sniffed? Pooped? Eaten garbage? Killed a small child? They don’t notice. Their minds are probably on the chores the day ahead is going to bring them, or the fight they had last night, or what the name of that guy from that movie was. You know the guy. That one. With the face.

Sometimes I pass Jogger Girl. She’s always jogging (hence the nickname!) with her old dog, who is kind of chubby. He likes to jog, too. He always looks glad to be with her, eyes bright, tongue rolling out, tail up. We both smile, wave, pass by. One day I saw her going into her house, and it was a house that I’ve always thought was very cute. One story, shady yard, one of those gardeny-type flags out front.

There’s Lab Guy. I don’t know that he actually works in a lab… it’s just that I didn’t really have a name for him until I saw him carrying a lab coat one day. He’s always walking, quite purposefully, towards campus. The first few times he gave me a wide berth—worried about the large dog, perhaps? Now he stops and pets her some days, and always has a big smile and a warm “good morning.”

I pass people who don’t have their dogs on a leash. They always lean down, grab their little kick-dogs, and give me a dirty look. As if I’m the one doing something wrong?! What I want to say is, “lighten the fuck up! You’re the one too fucking stupid to have your tiny little rat dog on a leash!”… Instead, I always give them a ten-thousand watt smile and a very loud “Great morning, eh?” And then I stop and let Bridgett sniff around and maybe poop. So I get to show them that not only do I keep my well behaved dog on a leash, but I scoop the poop as well.

One day I saw a guy in a small side street off of 8th Avenue. He was throwing a tennis ball for his dog. I wondered if he was just stoned, or if maybe it was his ex-girlfriends dog and he was trying to get it to run out into traffic.

Some days I see people out working in their lawns (weekends, mostly) before it gets too hot. They’re mowing or using leaf blowers, apologetically glancing at the houses next door. They’re well aware they’re making way too much noise for 7:30 in the morning, but what are you going to do?

Trash day is always funny. People half dressed in PJ’s, barefoot and hair on end, rushing to get their trash cans out before the truck passes by. It used to be two-day-a-week trash pickup. But since the city switched to once a week, people panic more about getting that rotten food away from their front doors. I always nod at them, and smile. I can’t say I’ve never done the same thing. Sometimes the only way I remember it’s trash day is by going out to walk the dog and seeing the trashcans lined up down the block. Whoops!

There are many more people I see, many more that I’d like to ponder about. But I’m about to be late for work… and being that I work 1.5 miles away from my house, you’d think I could really be responsible enough to get my slack ass in there on time, huh.