Hello, evening

A lot of my evenings since the birthday party have looked like this. Pajamas, knitting, a little drinkie, and (until I ate them all) a cupcake. Mmmmmm. I should have cupcakes in the house all the time — they’re like tasty little love bombs. Mmmmm. Deliciousness.

One thing that’s been on my mind in the back of my head as we’re watching TV and I’m counting to 15 for my knitting, is the people, the situations, in our lives that make us who we are, where we’re from. We like to think that it’s the people we love, the people we hold close, who shape us the most. But it’s been my experience (both in looking at myself and at my friends) that the people who hurt us, the people we say we can’t stand, or really horrible and depressing things that happen… they shape us just as much. This is all in my mind right now because of a friend who recently lost one of those people who shape us, and while the actions of her friend weren’t the most… positive of actions when they knew each other, they helped to make her who she is now; and who she is, is strong and beautiful and forgiving and self-reliant.

Is it worth it, sometimes? Do you have things in your past that sucked mightily at the time, but because of how they opened your heart and the person you are on the other side of the event… is it worth it? Would you change that, if you could? Agree to never have gone through that if it meant that you wouldn’t have exactly the same outlook on life that you have now? AM I EVEN MAKING SENSE?

Let’s use an example. When my father died, he had 750 vacation hours that he’d never taken, and regrets for things he always kept putting off for later. I vowed when he died that I wouldn’t die like that. I’d take vacations when I wanted to, and I’d rather live by being more embarrassed that something I tried failed at it (like the yarn store) than I would live with regrets of having never tried it. Now of course I wish my father was still alive — don’t get me wrong! But if he hadn’t died, I might not have jumped into the abyss of self-employment. I wouldn’t have had Hanks, I wouldn’t have such friends in my life that I have now from the yarn store, and I wouldn’t have started HaldeCraft. I’d probably still be working either at a desk job that killed my soul, or have moved back to retail, working for someone else.

Hindsight. 20/20 and all.